Love Letters to Children Responding to Children who hurt
trauma
what is it?
Trauma means going through very stressful and devastating events, varying in size and magnitude When we talk about emotional or phycological trauma we might mean: situations or events we find traumatic, from a hurtful fight with a friend to a car accident with a long hospital stay, cance, broken limb, death of a parent or sibling, verbal abuse or or pysical abuse, even sexual abuse. Then how we are effected by our experiences. There are three types of trauma,
1. Acute trauma results from a single incident
2. Chronic trauma is prolonged such as violence or abuse
3. Complex trauma is being exposed to varied and multiple trumatic events often of invasive, interpersonal nature.
ABOUT TRAUMA
Children who suffer from childhood trauma, anxiety, and stressed are those who have been exsposed to one or more traumas over the course of their lives and develope reactions that persist and effect their daily lives after the events have ended. When a child feels intensly threated by an event they are involved in or wittness an event we call that event a truma, the types children can be exsposed.
ms. Kim
Teaching a first grade sunday school class about fear, I asked the children to write their fears on a paper, and we would pray about them, a wide-eyed little girl passed me a small piece of paper. On it was a picture of a circle within a circle, the inner circle was large it had two dots that looked like eyes? It took me a moment to understand, what she was trying to tell me... then i realized it was someone with a huge mouth the dots were eyes! Sarah said to me "This is my mom's mouth" I gently said "tell me more" with wide eyes she said "My mom yells at me all the time"
Children speak, we can hear them if we are truly listening, are we really listeng to their words as tiny as they might be? How could i comfort her in the few moments i had in a class of 20 children? i said "Oh no, im sorry" i gave her a huge and said, I would be thinking of her and i was glad she told me so I could pray for her. Later when I had more time and she was playing I came over and put my hand on her shoulder to remind her that I listened and heard her, sometimes that's all you can do. she came to sunday school every week so i was able to keep the door open for converstaion. She never spoke of it again, but i could tell she liked me and wanted a huge everytime she came to church.. Small moments of validation and respect for her words are very nurturing. standing with a child in there hurt even in small ways does produce something good.
HOW DO YOU NURTURE A TRAUMITIZED CHILD
Not everyone can afford two hundred an hour counseling costs! If you have an income that affords you this oportunity great, but most people I know do not. God gives us ways to heal by his power and simple easy lovings ways. See your Dr. for good advise and guildance, make sure you know the exact problem you are dealing with, look to your childs school counselor, see what they think, if needed they will test your child within thirty days of your written request that is the law. Look for free organizations that have programs for children that help with stress and art classes lead by nurturing adults Look to local organizations that can help, children can disipate anxiety with FUN heavy physical activit., maybe a sport.
PARENT POINTS
Build up your childs resilence by being a positive role modle having a good out look on life exspressing alot of love and support, allowing children to exspress their feelings encourageing them to make connections with friends and family emphisising healthy environments, talking openly about their boundaries and how to understand their feeling and behavioral limits, impliment short consequence based structures, then follow through. Get as much noise out of their lives as possible, slow some things down like tecno toys and TV let them be board its ok. find them a hobby they are intested or do one together let them lead.
you as parent
Trauma is something we all have dealt with in our lives, hurts from the past, some now in the present some small, some large, understand the general trauma in your story, reparent yourself, the wounded child in you, use the "HOneyy for a childs heart" page for yourself. Work on your own behavior changes, get support, cultivate daily practices to calm yourself, God is good at this, reach out to Him. Practice self-compassion, grace and love yourself. This will go along way in your growth and healing which in turn will help you love and nurture your child through difficult times.