mean Girl's,

SCHOOL AN'T WHAT IT USED TO BE

Children hurt just like us from our social enviornments, I have often listened to children who are having a difficult time at school in varying socal situations. Good parents seldom knowing what to do! Staments like "let them work it out" or  "you handle it" are not helpful, leaving our child alone to suffer in these relationships. Equipping her for the storms ahead is whats needed for her to grow and be emotonaly stable. 

THE RISE OF  SOCIAL l CRULITY, IN SOCIAL SETTINGS OR AT HOME

Social cruelty is on the rise in our culture, we can see it in our relationships, how we talk about others,  TV. is out of control, even in childrens cartoons, movies, magazines, families and relitives. Monitor your childrens time with these damages words and attitudes as much as possible. of course we can not shelter our children from everything but they are still young and need processing time to understand the worrld around them. Are you equipped? Unclutter you and your child's life from these things and you will settle down your environment, this is helthy. see the book "The Hurried Child" for further insight.

More than ever Young girls are facing painful social challenges that they are not ready to handle, requiring real skills to navigate social circles and friendships. Schools are all different with their own culture, you will get to know your school's good, bad, and ugly features, some schools are good at guiding and teaching social behaviors, some are not, Some schools are short staffed, full of substitute teachers who are unfamiliure with their students, some lacking the education and understanding of how children play with each other,  they have no time for awareness, even clueless of whats going on in the class including bullying and cliques. 

You may be wondering how to guide your daughter through these situations effectively. she will need you  to process life with  her. See "honey for the heart articals on this site" she needs lots of listening and appropriate conversations  as well as a heffty vocabulary.   Here we will discuss elementary girls 5-12 years of age, giving you tools to help your child become stronger more resilient able to truly enjoy navigating relationships. On the page (Honey for the Heart, words matter) there will be vocabulary, statements, sentances, and short stories for on the run days. Stories you can learn to use with your child which will delight their soul and yours as well. learn them and use them.

New statistics show that the mental health and stress of children is way up, alarming! Suicide rates are up for younger and younger aged children, focusing around twelve, how long has their pain been brewing, what are we doing wrong? Studies show bullying, and the stress, and actual trauma associated with social media, and lacke of parental supervison and accountability concerning healthy rules,  boundaries, safe content, and duration watched. Absent parenting is surly on the list of contributing factors. Socail media can be devistating to anyone but especially children. Childrens hatful words whether short or sustained, if not adressed can have long term consequences in childrens lives.  

Bullying whether at school home or social media can have a devistating long lasting effect on how children see themselves. It can be tricky to see and hard to understand because it happens on a wide spectrum,  nice girls can be mean sometimes too, girls at this age are trying to find thems selves and their own social self. On the other hand, their are bullies who seem to be professionals at intentional devistating cruelty. (having  her own set of issues) this too must lovingly be adressed) Girls can be hurt by both types of bullying behavior. 

Parents are the staring  actors in this roll, how you handle your relationships can change the course of your daughter's life for the good forever by slowly listening, believing her, being on her side, by putting things in honest perspective, giving stratigies and guidance with gentle words and concepts. You are normal", "this happens to everyone" encluding me". "I am sure we can solve this problem, "you are safe with me", "i will help you"  "we will talk latter about this before tomrrow". Things will be fine" never let bullying go on another day, if needed give your child what i like to call a "mental health day" a time for rest from the little jungle in their lives.   something is sivere enough you may have to resort for  taking a day off f 

Never discount her story and say, "Im sure they didn;t mean it", or "don't be a baby about it", this leaves a child confused and utterly alone. Dr. Paul Von Essen is a specialist on children and bullying, (watch his videos) He teaches most bullying in kindergarten through second grade is typically unintentional but still needs to be addressed. Children learn from other children, please choose their friends wisely.

Girls in third and fourth grand can span the continuum, these  girls may have more practice and can be more overt and intentional, others my be more covert. Regardless of the ages all bullying needs to be stopped right now! today, by adutls with all children concerned delt with directly. training girls how to be with each other goes a long way in helping them.  Childrens hurt is real and you need to address it.  Here are four steps you can. See the   book by Michelle Anthonony, M.A., PH. D., and Reyna Lindert, P. D. See the book "Little Girls can be Mean"

1. Watch as they grow, be aware

Children are not always awear of whats going on, or confident in speaking about their feelings, are you watching all thats going on in their social world?  All children speak through body language, are you aware? Are they sad, angry, hurt, or jealous, reasure them these feelings are normal, we all have them, how can we change or use these feelings for good.   However we can change those feelings with teachiing, information, and understanding ,we can have fun and joy in our everyday lives if we have the teaching and knowledge of how the world works.  

BODY LANGUAGE

Spoting trouble through their body language. are they mad, angry,  wont eat, eat to much,  anxious, worried, bed wetting, wanting to be alone, wanting to be in your face. children need to learn they can growing in age appropriat  knowledge understanding and skills.  Becoming confident in social enviornments and they will grow as they come to understand whats going on in all their relationships, help them pick out good friends, Help them to be a good friend, help them learn how to say no in friendly and kind ways.

2. CONECT WITH YOUR CHILD

Find ways to connect with your daughter, let her lead, give her some space to just talk, so she feels safe to talk to you about her feelings and what's going on with her, this will let you and your child about social struggles which have become more severe. It is important to try not to answer to quikly or to fix it. the goal is your relationship  and then skills. Do not make them feel afraid, controll your own emotions, they dont need that. "why didn't you tell the teacher" or "ignore them," "im sure you will feel better tomorrow". or famously "work it out yourself" this is dismissive and harmful! 

There are simple activity book that teach concepts around social issues,  

this allows you to address many situations in a simple easy way.

Learn the simple basics and you will  becom  the well equipped parent you have wanted to be. Then (Give yourself a pat on the back) Integrate the topics by saying you have been learning about girls and how we act together with each other. Start now your daughter will be miles ahead of others in social settings, giving her the confidence in having healthy relationships with others. See work book on Amazon.

3. GUIDE YOUR CHILD WITH SIMPLE STRATIGIES

Simple compassionate strategies. Each person knows what we like, you can usually see that in your child, coloring, cuting, paper or people, tumbling or dance hiking, the beach, shells.be open but truly ask them and help guild them into who they already are with the freedom to change their minds. There are activities and school, sports, clubs,. Piano, soccor or chess., even irish danceing! This helps children succeed in specialised areas with other children with the same likes. Iin the Book "Girls can be Mean" you will see short tips and stratgies that lay a foundation for your process, once you leran them you will use them as you grow older building conficence in yourself as well.this is my number one book on learning and using successful concepts with children. this book 

4. SUPPORT YOUR  CHILD

Do you have a suportive family thats safe, healthy that you trust to help grow your little one up? Friends that love your child best interst at heart, have a history of  honest responsible love for your daughter. Make friends with the adults in her world, teachers, neighbors, other parents looking for healthy friends. I would however be  exstra causious  about where you let your child go, fifty percent of women i see have had sexual exsperiences at sleep overs, with, older brothers, freinds who happen to stop by, uncles, and fathers. i have seen this first hand. Sleep overs are becoming more rare, im glad about that! The life we lived when we were young is not the same as when we were young, life has drastically changed. As a person who worked with young children i am required to know these truths. Being a CASA worker, for  a fostercare friendship program. the abuse stitistics were frighteniing. If you look up how many pedifile smay  live  ariund you, they are intentional, grooming is real. you will be shocked! Those are only the ones who are caught. Be so carful. see, (Magens Law.com)  where pediphils addresses are named. Its not easy  to know but do it anyway.

SHORT VERBAL EXAMPLES

Make sure your child is helped through specifice situations, remind her to discribe  her day, dont correct anything in it, just listen. Gently ask or talk about what's happening at school or social situations, then just listening intentionally, you can say "tell me more" Never get angry about what they say or they wont tell you anything. Listening in this way gives you time to deal with her heart, deal with yours latter. There will be new situations you can not fathom at this time. What do you do when your child is left out of the 6 year old club. Or the "we hate sandy club" when she isnt invited to birthday parties, how will you help her to process and learn to move through the bruses with sucess.

PARENT POINTS

Observe when your daughter doesn't come to you directly. Parents can usually pick up something is wrong if they are watching, her behavior may change, she may act out in ways you dont understand, maybe shes emotionally tired from stressers of the day. When she says, mean, bossy or unfaire or I dont like so and so, find out why. Are you intentionally listening. if not your child will suffer alone, you will have missed a bonding opportunity.in these situations are a kind of listen you can hear even though your child has not come directly to you. there are other factors that may be seen in behavior. children act out their stress or anxiety. what does that look like in your child? Do you know? physical play is one way to dissipate anxious feeling. prays to God about peace and safty go a long way and work.

ACTIVE LISTENING,ADRESS THEIR EMOTIONS FIRST   

It sounds like you are angrey because  Sarah did not save you a seat on the bus today?are you afraid she likes Sarah better?

Hummm... thats alot of information, let me see if i understand. you are worried Sarah is becoming best friends with Lizzie and that will leave you with no one to play with at recess, is that right? let them fill in the blank, wow, theres alot going on their that can be confusing Notice these stament are framing the situation, there by understanding with out judgment. just getting the story right. This helps creat a safe enviornment for your child, if you continue in this manner your child will come to you for guildence and this causing bonding in your relationship.

The end goal of of active listening is to really hear what your child is saying below the surface, they do not have a vocabulary to be spicific all the time.. Connect in an impathetic way with your child. Here are some statments that will guild you.

I can image feeling lonely, sitting on the bus by yourself, were you worried the rest of the day would be like that at school?

I know how responsible you are, were you afraid to tell your teach what really happened?

You have been a good friend to Sarah, are you worried about finding new friends to play with? How are you feeling now?

I can imagin when Sarah said she would save you a seat and then she didnt, i can see how that might make you feel dissipointed and maybe a little angry.

PARENT POINTS

Intentionally make time for one on one time with your daughter. Connecting with your child may take time. Watch her reactions, does she seem to engage with you easily? Let her sort out her own feelings, It is premature to suggest new options before she resolves her feeling, she may come up with a solution of her own. There is much more going on at school than just abc's.Continually process with your child and she will become more emotionally resilient, able to eventually devise stratgies on her own, and find healthy relationships and friends. 

Read the Book "Mean Girls," your gonna need it.